People will forgive you for being wrong, but they will never forgive you for being right—especially if events prove you right while proving them wrong. — Thomas Sowell
Imagine you are walking down the street and you come across that person from high school that you hated. That person hands you 100 dollars. Do you take the money or not?
Now imagine you are walking down the street, eating a super sugary muffin thinking it’s healthy and you come across that same person you hated. That person tells you “You are eating junk and it’s bad for you. Consider stop eating that”. Do you take that advice or not?
Listening to this hypothetical scenario you might jump and say “Sure I would listen. I'm a reasonable person”. But in real life, I suspect most of you won’t. Or at least you won’t consider it as much even if you suspect they are right. But why? And should you listen?
You are definitely not some kind of a higher entity so the likelihood of you having all the right opinions and having the ability to spot truth on your first try is zero. So you are wrong about most things, most of the time. Then someone points out you are wrong and you revise your opinion becoming less wrong while you continue being wrong in a million other things, in a million different ways. But try to remember when was the last time someone corrected you without sounding like criticism. I bet you won’t be able to recall much. That is because there is no other way to do that.
I’m not talking about being criticized by people you trust. I’m talking about strangers. Your parents, spouse, and friends love you way too much to tell you the truth on certain issues. Their criticism is not so valuable in most things. If you torture your guitar while producing pure noise your mother will be like “Oh that is so wonderful” in order to encourage you. But if you post the same ear-bleeding sounds on the internet you will be vindicated until the end of time.
One thing I guarantee you is that during your life you’ll receive a shit ton of criticism so you can not ever avoid it. And most of it will come from strangers. Dealing with it is a one-way street but still, it sucks so much.
The only solution is to reframe it in your mind. To change the way you view it. Instead of thinking of criticism as equal to being burned at the stake, think of it as free money. By doing this you will not only become unafraid of it, but you can even begin to crave it. Instead of “Oh no, why me” you can say “Oh there is infinite free feedback out there!”. So it’s only a matter of sorting it out.
A large part of criticism comes with ill intent, I agree. But think of this. You can channel the insecurities of others into progress for yourself. You can turn poison into remedy. Again, think of it as free money. They are giving you for free the only thing that can improve you and your craft. Whatever it is. Do you kick a ball and wonder how to get better at it? Do you play chess and wonder how to get better at it? Do you run a business and wonder how to get better at it? The answer is always the same. Criticism.
You might say ok I believe you. But do you have any examples?
An example of literally free money is when Elon Musk blocked users from linking other social accounts to Twitter. To say that this was criticized is a huge understatement. The whole internet went bananas. Even Paul Graham was upset. Elon got the message and retracted it. Imagine trying to plan this carefully, AB test it, collect feedback from closed beta users, and conduct endless meetings to see how users will respond. This would have taken ages and would have cost actual dollars to the business. But with this, he got his feedback for free in the span of a day or two and made a decision. Same with the impressions count being visible in tweets. Many said this was dumb and needless. He took his feedback and decided to keep it. Of course, I'm speculating here since I can't read minds. But it’s a plausible scenario nonetheless.
I have to confess that this concept is not an original of mine. I stole it directly from the creator of the Dilbert comic strip, political commentator, and live-streamer, amongst other things, Scott Adams. An example of this that Scott gave in one of his livestreams is when he first started streaming. His listeners would complain about his sound quality and camera angle. He took that as feedback and upped his game. He could have easily ignored them, thinking he knew better, and continued sounding like he was talking from an old rusty radio.
You can benefit greatly from letting your ego get a hit. Being criticized is better than being ignored and it’s a far better problem to have than nothing. It is up to you to decide if some feedback is valid or not but consider that it’s possible for a piece of feedback to be both mean and reasonable. To be with ill intent but yet perfectly legitimate. Why leave money on the table? Why waste time by insulating yourself from feedback?
Now look inward. What does the fear of criticism say about you? Fear of criticism reveals priorities. Do you prioritize your feelings or do you care more about your craft?
A couple of weeks ago I came across a short video by writer Ira Glass talking about the process of creative work. In the video, he emphasized the existence of a creative gap. The gap between what your taste tells you is good and your ability to produce it. I have the sense that people might be scared of potentially unpleasant feedback because they are afraid it will alter their taste. They can't separate which of the two is getting “attacked” so they reject all comments to protect themselves.
Now what does all this mean if you are the giver of criticism instead of the receiver of it? If you happen to give feedback and the other person is super defensive about it or can’t handle the truth, you should stop. You are talking to a broken person with a broken spirit that prioritizes safety over progress. You can’t blame them because it’s not entirely their fault, but realize you can’t help them either. If someone can’t accept feedback, run away from them because they will eventually come to hate you.
Next time you are criticized by someone ask yourself. Would I accept any type of free money from that person even if they happen to be assholes?
From now on, think of criticism as free money. If there is anything close to a life hack that is hiding in plain sight, it’s this.